再見，跛腳兒！ Good-Bye, Little Cripple!

由於從小遭受暴力與性侵的遺害，讓我雖明知自己是天父的女兒，卻總難逃一種壓抑捆綁、看人臉色的小媳婦心態。

四個月前的一個週末，當我正準備陪同丈夫和他三姊(也是他上司)一塊兒去聖地牙哥某教會辦事，卻在清晨上車前不慎嚴重扭傷了腳踝骨。

劇烈的疼痛中，我明知自己傷勢嚴重、動彈不了，卻默默讓丈夫放下我，看著他和三姊驅車而去。

寂寞、孤單、痛苦中，我憶起婚後種種；不論是流產、生孩子、動大手術，甚至車禍後重傷等等，一次次來自公婆及公婆家人的凌辱與虐待浮上心頭。

    

三天後丈夫歸來，推著輪椅上的我去複診，已然回復了他的溫柔細心，與先前那付冷漠無情、前後判若二人。

見我青紫腫脹的腳滿是淤血，又聽醫生說這傷勢嚴重、 需時三個月康復，他開始越發體貼、對我倍加照顧。到了家門，他甚至彎下身來、背著我進屋………

我很感激丈夫，但也定意不再放過裏面那個小媳婦，以及她所背負的咒詛 。

我深知，問題在我自己！

經過數日在我主十字架面前的默禱沉思，終於神的恩典臨到；耶穌的死與復活、藉著聖靈觸動了我，叫我以真實深度的饒恕之心、奉耶穌基督的名，砍斷那長久以來轄制陳周這兩個家族的黑暗權勢！

如同酒政尼希米為他父家以色列民的禱告，我開始為自己、我父母、我家人、我祖先的罪，以及我丈夫、他父母、他家人、他祖先的罪懇求。我迫切懇求耶穌基督用祂的寶血厚厚塗抹遮蓋，永遠不再記念這兩個家族代代相傳的罪孽。

哈利路亞！忽然有天上的大光托住我，讓我滿有坐上雲端的自由與釋放。

到如今，腳傷未癒，我的心已一 片清明。

而且，做了決定！

不再是那個苦毒自憐的小媳婦；我，乃天父永恆臂膀中的尊貴公主！

Much as being a child of God, I used to notice the side- effect of being put in the wrong by people because of my oppressed personality due to some early-age experiences of physical and sexual abuse.

Four months ago one Saturday morning, when I was just about to take a trip and go along with my husband and his sister to a church in San Diego, I injured my ankle.

Even though I knew I was badly injured, I silently allowed my husband to leave me alone and drove away with his sister.

Feeling very lonely and in pain, I couldn't help but started to recall all other painful memories in my marriage from my in-laws.

Three days later, my husband came back and took his wheel-chaired wife to the doctor.  He saw my look terribly bruised, inflamed foot, and he learned from the doctor that my injury was so severe that it would take at least 12 weeks to reach a potential recovery, he became totally different from the moment my ankle was injured.  He became so very nice to me.

I appreciated my husband, but I also decided to no more let go of my inside pitiful-little-cripple, as well as the curses that she had been bearing.

I knew very well that it all came from my own problems.

After a few days of contemplative prayers before the Cross of my Lord, grace came upon and the Holy Spirit touched me, I then was all ready to pray for my whole family of origin and my husband's whole family of origin. 

As Nehemiah the cup-bearer prayed for his people of Israel, I asked my Lord my God to please forgive each and every one of my family and his family.  I prayed for Jesus' precious blood to greatly cover and erase all the sins of these two families from many generations.

Hallelujah!  All of a sudden, I was carried by some great light and I felt completely free and released!

Up to this very moment, my ankle is still in the process of recovery, but my heart has become absolutely light and clear.

And, a decision has been made.

No more Little Cripple;  I, am the noble princess of my Everlasting Father!

(By Julia Chou)

自從那一天遇見他(的背影).......Ever Since The Day We First Met

Walking on a beach near Taipei, my beloved hometown, 40 years ago

昨天趕寫一篇廣播稿，沒顧到過生日；今晨一醒，忽然想起，今天是個大日子，是我們相遇的第40週年！

四十年前的今天，曾記錄在1990年我所寫的一篇文章裏：


..........十七年前，一月九日的下午三點半；台北市青島東路口臨時搭建起來的全國工業展覽會場，正緊鑼密鼓地開始了它的揭幕式。 

當時在中學教書的我，好不容易放下了卷簿的批閱，再次跟校長講妥，要連續兩個月每天下午早退半小時、去幫一位朋友接班，好讓她能趕回去上電信局國際線的夜班工作。之後，我就趕緊搭上公車，在最後一分鐘，踏入了工展會的大門。 

好友蓓蓓一看見我，如獲大釋。
  
「啊，小華，妳好不容易來了，謝謝妳啦，我得趕去上班了！」 

於是，整整兩個月，每天從下午三點半到晚上十點半，我們兩人就這麼被安排在那間小屋、那間充滿了悠揚音樂的臨時建築；我管播音，你管大會的音響系統控制。

那是怎樣一種安排，那是怎樣一個奇妙的相遇啊！當初年輕的我，幾乎抱著獨身主義，揀盡寒枝不肯棲，卻意外撞上了你。

記得那第一天還亂槽槽的，播音室中人來人往，而我一下子就注意到了你的存在。你穿著一件大紅格子的法蘭絨襯衫，粗獷地半捲著長袖；那黑中夾雜灰白的一頭鬈曲濃髮老氣橫秋地背對我、專心觀望著窗外的開幕儀式.......

忽然，你回過頭來；當我看見你那一張年輕到發光的臉，我知道，一切已經太遲！

你很快地用清澈、明亮、坦誠、固執，又毫無隱藏的眼睛直望我一眼；接著，一個字也沒說，就挪過來一張椅子給我坐，彷彿已猜出我就是那位新來的播音小姐。而我，坦白說，還不知道你是在這兒幹什麼的呢！

我正要坐下，你忽然又從身上掏出一塊潔白的帕子，不聲不響地拭淨椅面上被工人踩過的鞋印，然後把帕子隨手扔在一旁。我無言地望著你，感到這人真是奇特得可以。 

近晚時分，老闆監工等進出雜人逐漸離去，小小播音室內、只剩下你我二人。想到這整個晚上、 還有未來漫長的兩個月，我開始感到微微甜蜜的不安。

當晚下班離去前，你檢查過所有機器的開關，偏偏遺忘了桌角那塊擦拭過鞋印的男用手帕。那一刻，小姐我不知怎的忽然想不開，竟把它拾了起來，丟進我的手提袋 (這輩子還沒做過這種糗事)。更糗的是，我竟然回家後把它洗淨燙平，預備第二天下班前交還給你 (我怕太早交給你，那麼長的一個晚上，我的顏面不知該往何處放)。 

第二天，你換成一身筆挺西裝，頭髮也變得整齊服貼 。當我極不自然地把手帕交給你的時候，你耳根微紅地望我一眼，又一語不發地把那塊摺疊好的帕子放入西裝口袋。

這是怎樣一個質樸木訥的大男孩啊！

那年，我剛剛大學畢業，國內國外前來追求的男孩不計其數，而且個個熱情、個個能言善道 ，你卻適時出現，以全然另類的風貌吸引了我。 

工展大會結束，我倆從一個月見一次面、到一星期見一次面，最後成為天天見面。每晚你送我搭公車回家，從敦化北路走到民生東路，月色下，我們總嫌那些馬路「怎麼那麼短啊」。到了家，我們總要在前院的小花園裏再坐一會兒，直到小弟第三次過來喊道，姊，媽叫妳現在立刻進來！

或許，我們發現了不能一分一秒沒有對方吧，有一天，像兩個辦家家酒的孩子，你忽然結結巴巴地向我發出了一個「求婚令」。 

記得那是在敦化北路盡頭的一個小小公園。沒有鑽戒，沒有玫瑰、也沒有半跪的英姿，你和我面對面趴在草地上；通往國際機場的水銀燈，把你明潔的臉照得更加坦誠。

「除了這個以外，」你指著自己的心口，眼中寫著幾分內疚，「我實在沒有別的東西給妳。」

我豈不知嗎，親愛的舟子？我豈不知你沒有事業、沒有家財嗎？我豈不知你甚至連高中畢業的學歷都沒有嗎？但是，舟子，那些這世界看為寶貴的東西，對我來說，全都是糞土！

那些東西對我來說，遠遠比不上你正直的人品、憨傻又幽默的性情，還有，你對我那溫柔體貼的一顆心。這些，才是我所愛上的財富……......

此文節錄於23年前拙作「與你相知十五年」

刊載於世界日報家園版1990年二月九日
 

I was so caught up yesterday trying to finish writing an article for a broadcast (www.dpmradio.org) that I didn’t even get to celebrate my birthday.   This morning when I woke up, I all of a sudden realized that today is the 40th anniversary since we first met.  The story about how we met was described in an article I wrote, which was published on the World Journal in 1990.  I will try to translate that article into English at some other time.

(By Julia Chou) 

 

今日，六十有四 Turned to 64 Today

My romantic husband bought me 2 dozens of roses.

(我那位浪漫的丈夫送給我一大束粉橘色的玫瑰)

My sweet granddaughter sent me a birthday card with her beautiful drawing.  Hey! I saw Grandma LaoLao,the black-long-hair lady! :)

我的寶貝孫女兒寄給我一張生日卡，還在上面畫了一幅畫兒...........  哈，找到了！那深色長髮的漂亮女生，不正是我嗎！

(By Julia Chou)

今年的最後記念 End of Year Memories

How happy!
Sixteen of us, including the #6 baby boy in my daughter's womb, September, 2012

一心盼著等去弟弟家吃年終火鍋時，好好過癮和我親愛的爸媽、二哥、及小弟的一家人合拍些相片，可惜當晚話說太多，忘了照相。

只好找出三個月前、咱們夫妻倆開長途、去科羅拉多州與孩子們團聚的相片。

那回，我倆也順便度了個小小蜜月 (九月八日是我們的結婚 38 週年紀念日)。今年咱倆的蜜月方式很特別。在 22 個小時的實際開車里程中，我們除了加油、上廁所之外，完全沒下車 ( 啊，忘了，我因為必須定期發 email 給神學院學生，有一天下午曾半路找了一個 Starbucks上網 )；早餐，中餐，晚餐，外加上午點心、下午茶，一概於兩人開車時包辦 (多半是我一面自己吃、一面餵他)。

甚至晚上都睡在車上。

後座早已放平，牀被也已鋪好。我倆在「不大不小、恰容二人」的包廂裏，打開天窗，欣賞「屋頂上」亮晶晶滴水似的星星。當秋霧漸濃，我們關上所有「門戶」，任窗外一輛又一輛巨大的貨櫃車轟隆轟隆、駛進駛出；直到夜深人靜，我倆鑽進溫暖舒適的被窩，甜蜜相擁而眠，一覺睡到朝霞滿天。

當然啦，到了那兒，女兒、兒子、兒媳、女婿他們，少不了為我倆大補特補，好好地慶祝了幾番。

雖然累得扁扁，但特開心！

回程再開 22 小時，再歡度一次一模一樣的「蜜月」(只是不必再去Starbucks, 已經在兒子家上網了)。剛到家第二天，突遇母親腕傷，我當即住進父母家中，每天X光處加上不同醫師們的診所、進出不停、日夜照顧母親。好不容易把母親安妥停當之後，我的腳踝嚴重扭傷，就沒再照過相。

於是，下面這張回程路經猶他州某休息站、拗不過丈夫好意、一定要我下車拍的照片，就成了今年的最後紀念 (在我殘障之前)。
                                                                                                                                                                   

I was so looking forward to taking some nice pictures with my family while having the end-of-year hot pot dinner at my youngest brother’s home.  Yet it ended that we talked too much to take any picture.

So I had to dig out the pictures we took three months ago when my husband and I drove to Colorado to see our son, daughter, and their families.

On the way, we also celebrated our 38th anniversary,  it was so special and unique!  During that 22 hours of driving, we never got out of the car except when the car was thirsty or when we had to go to the bathroom.  For all three meals and snacks, we ate while we were driving (most the time it was me feeding him with my fingers). 

We even slept in the vehicle at night.

Back seats were already flattened and prepared as a bed.  In that "just right size" little room, we lay down and watched the stars through our sky window.  After all the come-and-go huge semi-trucks had quiet down, my husband and I slipped into our nice and warm bedding; we slept all night through until the pink and purple clouds lightened the beautiful morning sky. 

Upon our arrival, of course our wonderful children treated us with some beautiful, huge and delicious feasts to celebrate our anniversary and gathering. 

Though exhausted, it was a great reunion!

On the 22 hours way of driving back, we enjoyed another exactly the same "honey moon".  The next day after we arrived home, my mother injured her wrist.  Immediately I moved in my parents’ home, taking my mother for X-rays and various doctors' appointments, taking care of her and being with her every day and night.  A few days later,  my ankle was severely injured, and we haven’t had any picture taken since.

So, the picture below that my husband nicely insisted take for me at a rest area in Utah State marked the very last one of this year (before I was handicapped).  

(By Julia Chou)

September 23rd, 2012 at Bonneville Salt Flats State Park, Utah