正因為她不是我生的 Just Because She Is Not My Own

She and  her fiance

She and  her parents

She and  her wedding

She and  her husband

Her mother and her "mother"

每次住兒子家，讓我最開心的一件事是，看見我兒那麼疼我的媳婦兒。

許多人以為我深情，是因為我是在愛的環境中長大的緣故。其實恰好相反。從小，我眼巴巴望著我的哥哥弟弟們受母親之寵；婚後，又眼巴巴望著我的丈夫和他的兄弟姊妹們受婆婆之寵。 兩邊都沒我的份兒。一直以來不斷壓抑的委屈與不平，叫我幾度翻身不了那多年累積下來的苦恨。

加上更令人苦惱的是，我媽和我婆到了非常晚年的時候，都還不能走出那些來自她們的公婆的傷害。

然而，當恩典臨到、神的話語觸動我心，我立志不讓罪的咒詛與鎖鍊、一代一代地承傳下去 (出埃及記20:5)。

七年前，兒子婚約的聖壇上，我剛巧被安排在新娘身旁。當牧師為他倆禱告時，我情不自禁伸出右臂，輕擁著這位即將成為我媳婦兒的美麗新娘。就在那一刻，我以順服與愛，全然接納了她成為我兒子的骨中骨、肉中肉 (創世記二章23節) 。

愛別人的孩子，確實須要特別用心。也許它不像愛自己的骨肉那樣發乎自然，但是經過信靠順服的操練，它會散發出鑽石般燦爛的光芒，它會比愛自己的骨肉更可貴、更有價值、更合乎基督的心意！

誠如耶穌基督在路加福音十四章26節所說：

「人到我這裏來，若不愛我勝過愛自己的父母、妻子、兒女、弟兄、姊妹、和自己的性命，就不能作我的門徒。」(「愛我勝過愛」這五個字，希臘原文只是一個字「恨」)

在這節經文裏，主耶穌完全不是要我們恨自己的親人，祂乃是要我們察驗自己的「愛」。祂要我們透過操練，在靈裏面勝過 (或超越) 那些天然的、自私的、屬血氣的、邪惡的愛。

避免私心、溺愛、或濫愛自己的血肉之親，並靠著十字架寶血去愛那不可愛的或是我不能愛的，乃是耶穌對祂門徒的最終心意。

咱家媳婦兒雖然不是我生的，但人家也有愛她、心痛她的「骨肉父母」；我因此懇求上帝賜給我更多的愛，讓我能比疼愛自己兒子更深地疼愛她。

今天，是Abby的生日，讓我說一聲：「生日快樂，女兒！」

(此文節錄並改寫自拙文「正因為她不是我生的」，原載於2012 年7月份基督教號角月報我心我家欄)

One of my favorite things when staying at my son's house is watching him be so loving to my daughter-in-law!

I am an affectionate person and people often assume that I was brought up in an affectionate home.  However, I very seldom felt loved by either my own parents or later by my in-laws.  For much of my younger life, I felt bitterness towards them.  I struggled to let go of feelings that I had been wronged.

Both my mother and mother-in-law had similar hurtful memories from their parents-in-law.  They were never able to overcome these feelings and this bothered me, severely.

Prayerfully, grace came upon me and the Word of my Everlasting Father touched my heart.  I decided to break free from the chains that the curse of sin had bound me in and end the cycle of grievance for me and the generations to follow. (Exodus 20:5,6)

Seven years ago at my son's wedding, I was arranged to stand by the bride at the altar.  When the pastor started to pray for them, I couldn't help but reach out and embrace the beautiful bride who was soon to become my daughter-in-law.  It was at that moment that I completely accepted her as "bone of my son's bones and flesh of my son's flesh." (Genesis 2:23)

Of course it takes great affection to genuinely and consistently love a child which is not of blood relations.  It may not be as natural as loving a child of your own, but through the discipline of trust and obedience, the relationship will eventually shine like a diamond; more precious, more valuable and more pleasing to the heart of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Jesus says in Luke 14:26, "Whoever comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and even life itself, cannot be my disciple."

In this verse, Jesus is not asking us to despise our life or our beloved ones; rather, His desire is for us to examine our "love"; He wants our heart to overcome or surpass those fleshly, selfish, all evil kind of ways of love.

It is truly our Lord's will for us to not be selfish or over-protective and to not abuse the relationship of our very beloved ones.  And ultimately, through the precious blood on the Cross, I know we can love even those who are not loveable or whom we are not able to love.

My daughter-in-law is not a child of my own indeed, but she does have some parents who gave birth to her and will definatetly get hurt from how she is being treated by other people ;  that is why I am asking God to grant me more love so that I could treat her with more affection than even my own son.

Today is Abby's birthday and I want to say, "have a great one, Daughter!"

By Julia

(Edited by Eric Chou)

P.S.   This post is a brief re-composition from one of my published articles which you can find in the July 2012 issue of Christian Herald Monthly